Zell Dincht: Charm Saga
by J. C. Kerr
Summary: Discontinued until further notice.
1. Disclaimer

Zell Dincht: Charm Saga was originally titled "The Misadventures of Zell Dincht's Charm." 

This is a collection of random entries, centered around Zell Dincht, of Final Fantasy VIII, and how his "amazing charm" can get him into trouble. If you don't understand what that means, just read a few, and you'll understand. I try to make them all different, in as many respects as possible. 

The following disclaimer applies to all installments in Zell Dincht: Charm Saga.   
_I do not own Zell Dincht, or any other character, item, locale, or anything else relating to Final Fantasy VIII, or Squaresoft in general. I do, however, own the incidents that occur, and the character Shorty, along with any other characters I write about, who do not appear in any of Squaresoft's games. I reserve the right to ammend this disclaimer as more installments are added to include any more borrowed property or ideas that I use._


	2. IRS

Zell and his friend, Shorty, were just coming out of the weapon shop after having a great time checking out all the new stuff they had seen in this month's issue of Weapons Monthly. 

Shorty whistled, "Wow. Zell, check out that piece o' tail!" 

Zell, preoccupied with getting his portable CD player to work, asked, "Score?" 

"Seven and a half," Shorty replied. Zell whipped his head around at light speed, forgetting about his CD player, just trying to catch a glimpse of the girl Shorty was talking about. She was slender, with dark hair, and was carrying books. Staring at her luscious body, he could only think of one word. 

"Da-amn..." 

Noticing the books, Zell got an idea. He quickly took off his BALAMB GARDEN jacket and started jogging on the spot. He patted Shorty on the back and started running toward her. As he was about to pass her, he gently bumped into her. She dropped a book and a few file folders, and she started cursing at herself. 

Turning around, Zell remarked with a smile, "Ohmygod, sorry lady. Can I help you with those?" 

Without waiting for an answer, he picked up her stuff and handed it to her. "Zell Dincht, right?" the lady asked. 

Zell was dumbfounded. "How the hell did you know my..." 

She pulled a folder from her armload and opened it. On the front page was a picture of him and an info sheet. "It seems you like to frequent places that give out credit. Feel like paying up, Mr. Dincht?" 

"I'll pay as much as I have to, if you'll just walk around that corner with me, pretending you really dig me." A cold, hard slap in the face was Zell's reply. He stumbled backward, tripped on a rock, and fell to the ground. She dropped folded court papers on his chest, and started walking away. After a few seconds, he finally clued in. "I didn't mean it like _that_!!" 

She spoke in almost a sing-song voice, never turning toward him, "Good-bye, Mr. Dincht! I'll see you in court!" 

Shorty promptly came over and helped Zell off the ground, laughing. "You knew, didn't you?" Shorty nodded. "But...how?" 

"Well, Zell...you must've been an idiot to _not_ have seen the 'BCA' logo on her blazer." 

* * *

* * *

Author's Note: BCA stands for Balamb Collection Agency. They collect the money that businesses in Balamb lose because of irresponsible spenders/people who abuse credit. People like Zell Dincht. Don't expect to see them for a while again though, if ever. 


	3. Switcharoo: Charlene

"So anyway, I'm in this bar, at a table, drinking alone." Charlene said. 

"Alone?" Melinda asked incredulously. 

"Yeah, alone. You know, like, trying to pick up guys. Anyway, this guy comes over, and offers to buy me a drink. I tell him to sit with me, and ask him what his name is..." 

* * *

"'I'm Shorty,' he says. I nodded. 'I'm Charlene. What kind of a name is Shorty, anyway?' 

"'A nickname,' he told me, laughing. I kinda thought, from the way he was acting, that he didn't like it that much, though. Anyway, we were talking. You know, the usual mindless chit-chat that people who just met start up in. 

"After a while though, he started moving way too fast. I swear, he went from talking kindly to me to hand on my leg to arm around my shoulder in about four minutes. It was getting really uncomfortable. So I asked him to leave." 

* * *

"You asked him to leave?" Melinda asked. She was shocked. Most of the guys in Balamb got rough if you did that. 

"Yeah, and he took it really well. He got up, and left. Although I know why he did. He went across the room, out of sight. So I got up to look to see where he was, and I saw him talking to I guess it was a friend of his. Then all of a sudden that other guy, he had blond hair and some really wierd tattoos, came over and offered to buy me a drink." 

Melinda couldn't help but laugh. A team! "Haha. So, what? The first guy gets you angry at men for being such pigs, and then a really nice, charming man comes along and sweeps you away?" 

Charlene shrugged. "I guess so. But the way things went so smoothly between them, I guessed they've been doing things like that for a long time." 

"So, this blond guy comes over, and then what happens?" 

* * *

"So, like I said, this blond guy comes over, and he has really wierd tattoos on his face. He offers to buy me a drink, and I accept. I mean, I'm not going to refuse a free drink. So he sits down and orders us some drinks. 'My name is Zell,' he said all formally, maybe trying to come off as some rich polite guy...contradiction, I know. 

"Anyway, we're sitting there, drinking, having a nice conversation. I don't know if it was because this guy was so charming, or if it was because I just felt like it, but we almost immediately started having a real conversation, like we've known eachother for a while. Of course, it wasn't on a great topic, so it was a trade-off. We ended up talking about the 'virtues' of weaponry, and how it helps us, not in defeating enemies, which shouldn't happen because war is bad (That's what he said. I don't believe him), but because they are useful tools, for hunting, and other things like that. I, of course just for the hell of it, argued that weapons, used in any way, shape, or form, were bad. 

"'I don't believe you! That's rediculous!" he shouted. 'Without what we call 'weapons', where would we be? I mean, no swords, guns, or knives, we couldn't hunt. No axes, we couldn't chop down trees. Some wild animals require the harsh treatment of whips to tame them.' I stopped him midsentence, though. I didn't really like this whole argument thing. 

"'I'm going to the washroom,' I said, 'And when I get back, I want you to have thought of something to say...that we won't argue over.'" 

* * *

Melinda looked very solemn. "So. You went to the washroom." 

"Yeah?" 

"What did he say when you got back?" 

"Well, I guess the only thing he found to say." 

* * *

"I sat down at the table, and all of a sudden, he just blurted out, 'You have beuatiful hair, Charlene.' I couldn't help but stare at him. He was, like, so wierd. But whatever. I started laughing really loud at him. I shouldn't have, really. He was really nice, but I think it was just because of the whole thing him and his friend were doing. He asked me, 'What's so funny?' and he got really annoyed. I said I wanted to leave...'With me?!" He was really shocked when I said with who. We got up, and I grabbed him a started skipping over to where his friend was. I saw him, and I started walking toward him. Once we were beside Shorty, I told Zell that I knew what he was doing, kissed Shorty, and grabbed him and left." 

* * *

Melinda was stunned. "You did WHAT?!" 

"You heard me. It was rather funny. In about three seconds, I went from leaving with Zell to running out the door with Shorty. Neither of them knew what had hit him." 

"So what did you and Shorty do after that?" 

Charlene shrugged. "Not much. I gave him my phone number and told him to call me, then went home." 

"That's so wierd," gaped Melinda, "Did he call you yet?" 

"Ach! Of course he didn't call me yet, this just happened not three nights ago!" 

The phone rang. Melinda arched an eyebrow. Charlene's jaw dropped. "Don't even..." she started, and then looked at the phone. Charlene jumped up and ran as fast as she could to the phone. "H-h-hello?" 

"Hi," a voice said from the other end. 

"Oh, hey...um, Zell...I'm kinda expecting a call from someone. Bye." 

"Oh, um, okay. Bye, then," Zell said very disappointedly, "Shorty?" 

"Um, yeah. Sorry, Zell." 

"He is, you know, like, my best friend." 

"Ohmygod. I'm sorry. But, I really gotta go." 

* * *

Zell started to sing after he hung up. "Bro-o-o-oken hea-a-arte-ed!!" He couldn't help but laugh at his parody of himself. 


	4. Switcharoo: Shorty

"So what did you two talk about?" Shorty asked. He knew this whole conversation was a farce, a pity effort so Zell wouldn't feel bad about losing Charlene. 

"Weapons." The answer was short, vague. Shorty saw the word float into the air out of Zell's mouth, a string of blocky letters in bright orange. He wondered at them. 

"You try to woo a girl and you choose weapons as a topic?" Shorty's incredulous stare seemed almost threatening to Zell. He put his guard up. 

"Why not? She said that they were completely pointless and useless. I said that they were tools. They perform other functions besides war. What?" Shorty's gaze was starting to annoy Zell. "Anyway, that was only part of the conversation. We talked about normal things too." 

"Like what?" Shorty questioned, changing the channel on the T.V. 

A bird chirped outside. "So," Zell said, breaking the silence. "You got her phone number?" Shorty nodded. After a few seconds, he realized the silent nuances of his question. 

"No," he said warningly, "you're not getting it. Look, Zell, it's not my fault you struck out twice, it really isn't. And our plan worked so many other times. You're not getting the number." 

"Come on, man. It's one phone number. C'mon. Look, I won't even ask her out or anything. I just wanna talk to her!" Zell was almost yelling, and it frightened Shorty. Zell, finally giving up, slumped back onto the sofa. He wasn't about to lose his best friend over a girl who he doesn't even know. "So..." he looked around the room, trying to find something to distract him. "What did _you_ talk about?" 

Shorty laughed. "Not much, actually. You saw, didn't you? I was creeping up her far too fast to talk." Zell tried to laugh, but found himself emitting a sarcasting 'pffff' sound instead. "Oh, here. You big wuss." Shorty dug in his pants pocket, and drew out a folded piece of paper. "But I'm timing you. And you can't ask her out." 

"Okay, okay." Zell took the paper and walked over to the phone. 

* * *

"Hi." 

"Oh, um, okay. Bye, then." _Wait..._ "Shorty?" 

"He is, you know, my best friend." _Dammit,_ "Yeah. Bye." 

* * *

"Bro-o-o-oken hea-a-arte-ed!!" Zell sang, in parody of himslf. Both he and Shorty laughed. Zell shrugged, and handed the phone and a piece of paper to Shorty. 

"There'll be others. 


End file.
